The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I want is dick and wine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
