I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't deserve a penis
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
