i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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