Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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