a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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