My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
