did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
