it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
