The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
