Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
