I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
