Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
