Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
