Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
