When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
