I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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