so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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