my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As shirtless as possible
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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