Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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