Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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