last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
