just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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