Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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