Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
