i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
