last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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