remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
