He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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