your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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