She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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