Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
