Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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