I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
