i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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