Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
