i already hear my dad disowning me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
did you just send me my own nude
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
