I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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