If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
