i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
