Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I pour the whiskey from now on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
