He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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