You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
