if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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