wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
