**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
