How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
