Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
