i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
