I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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