You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
