He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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