Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need water and some morals
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
