she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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