Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
