Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
