I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
