I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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