you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
