took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
