i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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