There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
