I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
