yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
