Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
