I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
