he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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