Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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