I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
