I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
