Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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