you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
