8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
