1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
