I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize